I Am Your Usual Homophobe, And Proud Of It
This boy, Prateek, from Himanjali Sankar’s novel Talking of Muskaan is your usual homophobe next door. Ready to be charmed by him?
I gave it to Muskaan. I humiliated and embarrassed her in front of the class. And I made sure I was loud and clear and everyone knew it wasn’t me who wrote that stupid FB status.
She just opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish. It was annoying. I mean, I would slap someone if they spoke to me like that — the way I spoke to her and insulted her and called her homo. But what could she say? It was all true. No point lying when you’ve been caught. She might be clever at studies and all that but she isn’t as great as she thinks she is.
Rashika was upset. I couldn’t blame her. I mean, this is her friend. They are chaddi buddies and all that. But then I heard her apologising to Muskaan. I mean, what was she apologising for? For her boyfriend being honest and gutsy?
And Muskaan didn’t even say okay or that’s fine. She just walked away. So insulting for Rashika. I felt bad for her but also very angry.
‘Why were you apologising to her?’ I asked. She looked at me with big, sad eyes.
‘Let’s talk about it later. I’m not up to it now,’ she said, turning around and walking away. She would come running to me soon enough I knew.
Everyone in class was excited about what I did. Everyone was staring at me as if I was a hero in a movie when I shouted at Muskaan. Yesterday so many of them posted rude comments on my wall. They must be feeling so stupid about that now. Not that I blame them. It must have sounded strange, what Muskaan wrote.
When I told Papa at the dinner table what I’d said to Muskaan, he laughed and thumped me on the back.
‘Good for you, Prateek. Sometimes you have to give it back. Or you won’t stay on top,’he said.
Mummy smiled encouragingly, too. ‘In any case, homos have had it now,’she said.
The Supreme Court verdict today said homos were criminals. Mummy liked to watch the news on TV sometimes and be up-to-date. She went for many parties with Papa where people discussed politics and all. She said she felt embarrassed if she didn’t know the news. Though Papa said it didn’t matter. She knew enough about the things that mattered in her life.
I was glad about the Supreme Court ruling though. As Papa said, in spite of the rogue elements our country was still on the right track. Muskaan would be knowing that not only me but the laws of the country didn’t support people like her. My classmates had all kept shut in the morning because they didn’t have my kind of guts. But they would all be secretly admiring me for what I’d said. It had legal backing after all.
I told Papa that Muskaan was the daughter of his interior designer. He first looked really surprised. Then he started laughing loudly.
‘That woman and her partner — the way they are fleecing us for just a little work,’he said. ‘Anyway, that doesn’t matter, I can afford her fees without even noticing the difference in my pocket. She’s a shrewd lady. Must be too busy making money to pay attention to the poor daughter. The child won’t be abnormal for no reason.’
When I went to my bedroom I was in a good mood. That was when Rashika called.
‘Prateek, I need to talk to you. Something’s bothering me and I need to…’ She didn’t even say hi or anything.
I felt sorry for her. After all, I’m her boyfriend. She doesn’t have to be so nervous in front of me. But I was also a little upset with her. She’d not spoken to me all day. Was sulking about the Muskaan thing. She’s too soft and blind about her friends. But I hadn’t called her because I knew she’d call. That I knew.
‘What’s up, baby? I don’t like it when you sound down,’ I said. I decided not to mention the Muskaan thing. She was sad about her friend and I wanted to be supportive. I’d done what I had to do but now I could let it go, be gentle with Rashika.
‘No, it’s just … I don’t think I can … I mean, let’s call it off, Prateek. I really need to figure out some stuff for myself.’
Call it off! I am sure her homo friend is behind this. Brainwashing her to leave me. Or that weirdo Aaliya who kissed boys for fun.
‘You’re breaking up with me?’ I asked. Rather, shouted. I couldn’t believe she was doing this. After all I’ve done for her. The gifts I’ve bought, the parties I’ve taken her to.
‘I think so. I need to be alone. It’s not about you as much as about me.’
I banged the phone down. I didn’t want to hear anymore. I should’ve broken up with her this morning when she apologised to Muskaan. The problem is that I’m too nice sometimes, I try to understand everyone’s point of view.
Now that I think about it, I’ve been stupid only. Why did I have to go and propose to Rashika when I knew she was friends with Muskaan? Anyway, I’ve learnt my lesson. I’ll not hang out with these weird types any more. These girls who think they are cool but are just losers.
Tomorrow I will call up Harleen. I know from Rishi that she still wants to get together with me. I’ll ask her to meet me at the club and then I’ll tell her that I still like her. It’s true — I do like her still and breaking up with her was a mistake. We have a lot in common. Even our moms are good friends.
I wish I could’ve helped Rashika. But her friends are the limit. Let her look out for herself. If she ever comes to me for help I’ll be nice to her. I’m not the type to bear grudges. We can be friends if she wants but just friends. I don’t want to be her boyfriend even if she comes and begs and tells me she made a mistake and wants us to be together again. I’ve had enough.
The text has been excerpted with permission from Himanjali Sankar’s Talking of Muskaan published by Duckbill books. You can buy the book from Amazon or Duckbill’s website.
Himanjali Sankar grew up in Kolkata. She completed her Masters and MPhil in English Literature from JNU, New Delhi. She has taught English to undergraduate students and been an editor with various publishing houses. Her first book for children, The Magical Adventures of Skinny Scribbles, was published in May 2012. Her latest is Talking of Muskaan published by Duckbill books.
